Mavericks do Bournemouth....

 (Guildford Mavericks 0 - 15 Bournemouth Sharks)

Bournemouth, Jul 30th 2005
As a slight deviation from the usual game report, the following is probably a closer description of the weekend and game, than any of my more "normal" game reports. The activities of the Saturday night will also be used as an excuse for not producing any game stats. When interrogated the following week, everyone apparently had a career day at the plate.......still can't work out why no runs where therefore scored!

"Mavs do Bournemouth"
Mavs present: Owen 'Rambo' Hazleby, Duncan 'Hello Sailor' Phillippo, Brian 'BK Double' Kendal, Rob 'Coach' Wheeler, Jazz 'Earthsong' Brown, Ally 'Tottytastic' Carr

Honorary Mav: Annie 'Vodka Jelly' Self
Venue: Chez Hevra, Bournemouth
Well, it was that time of year - an away game to Bournemouth (a home game for me) and of course, it would have been rude of me not to invite everyone round for a good old fashioned knees up. Duncan arrived first, and we nipped out to Tesco to stock up on booze and MSG-loaded nibbles. Having perused the beverages on offer, we decided to build 'Foster's Mountain', a homage to the Amber Nectar in my fridge (I prefer to call it Skippy Piss). With a boot full of beer it was back to mine, to stock the fridge up and introduce Duncan to the vagaries of my pool table. Not exactly championship standard, it had more roll than the Titanic.

Ally was next to materialise, followed by Brian and Rob. Mike will be astounded to hear that although Brian was navigating, the two of them turned up without any major dramas, and although they took a slight detour via Ashurst New Forest, weren't that far over their original ETA. I knew it was Rob approaching as I saw a blue Peugeot come hurtling down the wrong side of the road. Rob McRae strikes again!

Last but not least, the terrible trio of Owen, Jazz and Annie turned up. Annie was in the kitchen like a rocket, armed with ice cube trays, packet jelly and a bottle of vodka. My first experience of vodka jellies, and yes, I did finish them off. I appear to have lost some of my Sunday evening as a result. Parents! For a laugh, ask Annie for tips on how to brighten up that boring old jelly and ice cream at your little darling's next birthday party!

So, with Mavs assembled and several pizzas demolished, it was time to head out into town and see what Bournemouth had to offer. Being Mavericks, we decided to go in style, and all piled onto the no. 22 bus, and of course we went upstairs and sat at the back like naughty schoolkids. Owen demonstrated his complete lack of concern for his manly image by constructing a Rambo style headband out of the long bus ticket we had, boy did he look sexy. Jazz was a little wobbly by this stage and treated us all to a Michael Jackson 'Earthsong' rendition using nothing but the power of booze and a the poles on the seats. Kind of had to be there....

Wetherspoons was the first stop, and what with it being absolutely rammed, we decided to adopt a tactical approach to getting served. Me and Duncan went to the bar together as we decided that two people were more likely to get served than one, and after 547 years, we got served, much to the chagrin of the man next to us who accused me of queue

jumping. Should have seen his face when we ordered two rounds in one go, to make sure we didn't have to queue again. Mwah hah hah!

Then it was time to head to Jumpin' Jaks, purveyors of cheesy disco choons - and in true shy and retiring Mavericks style, we took over the stage and danced like epileptics with our fingers in plug sockets. All the 'classics' were played, including good old Chesney and one particularly memorable moment just after we arrived was Annie leading a conga for 'Is this the way to Amarillo'.  We left the club at about half 2 and went back to mine via the kebab shop. We played a bit of guitar, had a few more beers and then collapsed onto our assorted beds, sleeping bags or in Owen's case, the Incredible Farting Mattress.

Lulled to sleep by the hurricane of snores from Rob and BK, I reckon I got approximately 4 hours sleep before it was time to get up and prepare a lard fest Recovery Breakfast for the hungover Mavs. As far as I am aware no one has died of food poisoning, Delia has got nothing on my artery clogging skills. Once we were all packed up it was off to Bournemouth's ground - god only knows how we managed it but we were still late despite starting out only 20 mins away from the ground. And that's the end of the social report, here's looking forward to next year!

P.S. Bournemouth won the game 15-0

Maverick MVP: Heather